I might be an addict

I love chapstick! I carry a tube around in my pocket nearly all the time. When I go to bed at night, I make sure I have one on my nightstand so when I wake up I can put some on in the middle of the night without getting up. (Once several years ago I was sleeping on the top bunk of a bunkbed and during the night I tried to reach down to get my chapstick without getting out of bed; I ended up with a cracked rib- true story!) I have one or two stored in between my seats in my car and another one sitting on my desk at work.

So today we are sitting at dress rehearsal for the Christmas program and I realize that I do not have a tube of chapstick in my pocket like usual. I start thinking about how chapped my lips are, how the bottom in the middle feels cracked, then the top on the side started to burn, I start looking at the clock every minute or two. I think I might have missed much of the last segment of the program because I was consumed with thinking about how soon I would be able to get my next "fix." It was at that moment that it dawned on me- it's time to admit, "I'm Angie Miller and I am a chapstick addict."

Perfectionism

I've been thinking a fair amount lately about how being a perfectionist affects one. Like most personality traits, it is both a strength and a weakness. Incidentally whenever I am in a job interview and am asked about my "weaknesses", I always pull out the perfectionist card. I mean what employer is going to be turned off by a person who goes above and beyond the call of duty on a regular basis, works long hours and doesn't settle for "good enough"?

Mostly though I've been realizing that my perfectionism can be a deterent at times. I am again processing future plans, and I don't want to pick a good option for my next home/job/community; I want it to be the best option. This desire functions much like a brick wall in the moving-forward process- I mean with all the unknowns involved in major transitions, there is simply no way to quantify and measure the choices. Up to now I have spent a lot of time brainstorming ways to keep the brick wall intact and still move on- maybe some mystical writing on the wall revealing a secret tunnel or even just a trusted friend's sturdy ladder.

But perhaps it's more like that story you heard when you were a little kid, Going on a Bear Hunt. You remember the family is hunting bears and encounters all these obstacles- swamps, tall grass, mud, a dark woods.... In each case, they decide that they "can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it, got to go through it." Perhaps my unwavering quest for the best has to be de-constructed to some degree so I can actually "go through it" and move on. Perhaps it's time to get out the wrecking ball of trust, the pick-axe of humility and the hardhat of hope.