Crash and burn

I arrived home six days ago and my adrenaline served to help me coast through the first five days at home. Today I crashed and burned; in fact the image that comes to mind is of an airplane flying along and suddenly both motors cut out. I think it all began when I allowed myself to mentally play the destructive version of the "what if" game. This version starts out with very small, practical what ifs like "What if tomorrow when my students come for the first time I forget to take the lunch count? What if I send them home on the wrong bus?" Then you progress to "What if tomorrow when my students come they all start to cry at the same moment? What if I do something that makes them hate reading for the rest of their lives?" It just builds from there and pretty soon you are envisioning your students learning nothing the entire year, running up and down the halls, blaspheming my name around the dinner table at home and mouthing off to the other teachers. I even started to dream about applying for a job at Wanna Cup (the local diner) because less responsibility, lower expectations and brainless work sounded easy and tempting.

During my five mile walk around the lake and through the woods, I regained a bit of perspective. It could always go the other way, "What if my students end up liking me?" or "What if I build report with the other staff members and parents?" Besides, the corporation offered me a great benefit package today with some kickin' health insurance; I'm pretty sure Wanna Cup could not compete!